Jim Oberweis (R), one of the several Republicans seeking to replace Representative Byron Donalds (R-FL), announced his plans to "honor" the biggest spenders in Congress with the "Flat Frog Trophy."
"Squashed frogs are a common sight in Southwest Florida. In driveways. On neighborhood roads. Along city streets. Even on bike paths," explained Oberweis in a press release. "There's nothing quite so familiar as the sight of a flattened frog, who wanted only to hop safely to the better side of the street before being crushed by a force they never saw coming. Kind of like American taxpayers at the mercy of a
spendthrift Congress."
Oberweis is not necessarily wrong, as amphibian roadkill is just as common in Central Florida as it is further south, and there are plenty of taxpayers fed up with government waste, fraud, and abuse up here, too.
As a result, the former Illinois State Senator intends to "award" the most fiscally irresponsible member of Congress and the most wasteful government programs and non-profits with a "trophy" composed of a flattened bullfrog preserved in bronze, mounted on a wooden plaque reading, "Thanks for Nothing. Signed, The American Taxpayer."
"With Congress spending at a rate of $200,000-a-second, increasing our debt by $1 trillion dollars a year, is it any wonder that American taxpayers might sympathize with any poor frog merely trying to get to the better side of the street before being flattened by a force he never saw coming?" Oberweis continued, "Every child born today is effectively being handed a bill for $110,000 dollars and told, 'Welcome to the world. Now here's your bill.' That's certainly what I'd call economic blunt-force trauma!"
Even then, Oberweis said, "I'm not sure the state of Florida produces enough flat frogs to cover all the Washington spendthrifts deserving of this award. In fact, I think the 'flatted frog' should replace the Wood Thrush as the official mascot of Washington, D.C."
Thankfully, no frogs were harmed in the making of this announcement.
